Everyone has been there. You worked really hard on a paper, a test, a resume, or something. You submit it and wait. What are you waiting for? You are waiting for the thumbs up or thumbs down that tells you whether you did a good job, or tells you where you stand. Was there feedback given aside from the yes/no/a-ok? Did you read it?
My hunch tells me you didn't genuinely read the feedback. You were content with the A, the B or B-, got it, didn't get it. That was enough feedback for you unless you needed to improve it to jump through a hoop. From there you moved on because you had new things to tackle. You're busy and stopping to really read the comments or feedback takes time, as does integrating the feedback into your habits to make change. I could be wrong, and therefore be guilty of projecting my own educational experience on others. But I don't think so.
Typically I drift to the philosophical question: Why is that? Why does that happen? That doesn't move the needle for me. I have a hunch from my own experience, and I'm comfortable going with that for the time being (that hunch: feedback is a critique on your work, and the truth can be hard to face... whether bad or good. It is easier to get the evaluation and move on). What I am concerned with is the following: How do we change habits to get kids to utilize feedback so they can improve their skill set? Said another way, how do we get kids to not worry about the 3 on the top of the paper and to read the comments for understanding? I say "not worry" because embedded in that question is the fact that kids need to know where they are at. At times they need the 2 or 3 on the paper that symbolizes whether they met the standard (and therefore being on the right track). The 3 provides the comfort that comments don't.
I don't see comments and grades as naturally incongruous. I don't think it is an either or debate. As currently constructed they are, but they don't need to be. That's what I want to tackle next.